Sweet n Sour

I was a free bird. I am. I have big wings. I loved to fly. More than the flying I love to solve aerodynamics problem with wings spread wide.

She promised a lot. Promised me to let me fly whenever I wanted. Promised me not to touch my aerodynamics notebook ever. Promised me a bright future and new cage.

After twelve years a slave and innumerable ‘What-If’ Analyses…

Me: I don’t like you anymore. You have turned sour.

She: But grapes are sour too. And you love grapes.

Me: And so are lemons, but lemon and grapes have long legs and OMG lips. They both are presentable and eatable. Lemons and Grapes are naturally tangy. You are not even close to Tang.

She: What about cherries? You licked them so much.

Me: They are not red anymore. They have turned black.

She: And the berries?

Me: They are not black anymore. I like Apple better. Apple is sweet.

She: But I am sweet!!

Me: No sugar, you are not.

She: You can’t do this to me. All birds are dogs. I have lost faith in humanity.

Me: Tell me about it. I lost my faith in humanity when Kick made over 100 cr. You are late baby.

Err…Wait…How are we all dogs?

She: I donno. Dogs are adorable.

Me: You are adorable. Sour and adorable. Sour adorable bitch.

P.S. This is nothing fancy. Just an abstract abstract of the conversation between a bird and his master Miss Canine Lovelace, affectionately known among her peers as Lady Loveless. If you are still overthinking you have too much time to waste. Go watch hindi movie.

Letter

To You,

I have drunk a lot

But I will not cry.

Ridiculous?

I am sad.

I’m drunk.

I don’t usually get sad (even if I get dunk).

At least when I get drunk.

So, lets say I have drunk more than avg.

I miss you. I really miss you,’

I don’t have you.

I don’t have to be you.

I want a girl who knows me as well as you.

As if I can share my life with me.

But I really miss you.

I will never call you.

But I will feel the void.

I want you back but not in a normal way.

You know you were who mattered in my life. That’s pathetic. Even if I had cared for you at any point of my life, just dream and be a stone.

 

It is funny that every time I write I try to create a controversy. Is it true or just an exaggeration? I wrote the above paragraph when I was high. Now back to the present.

It is a bit strange that after so many days you called and asked me a question which I expected (not prayed). I prayed that you will ask me, “Are you happy?”. But I know You. You will never answer my prayer. But You answered my expectations. I expected you to ask me something which I will never expect. Something which has nothing to do with me being a being who is trying to survive (and so is everyone). A question which is trivial enough to be asked when you are non-trivial to be answered. So you asked it. “Can you leave cigarette?”

And ironically I answered. I answered in a way which is comforting to me more than it is to you. You know, truth gives hope. I used to think that if I speak my heart to someone, then that person will give heart for me. Not anymore. Now I pretend. You have gifted me a permanent fear of trust. Thank You. Thank You for this lovely feeling of ‘being uncomfortable’ throughout life. If I feel uncomfortable that means I am still breathing. Miracle.

So I answered and answer didn’t give hope. Not to you neither to me. So I avoided the risk of hopes being shattered. Although I am very used to this ‘hopes shattered’ kind of thing from my childhood (may be the reason for my introvert-ness), I still avoid it.

Take Care

And Keep laughing

And continue to make this world (not mine) a happy place to live in.

Me.

Yet another ‘love+relationship’ post

Don’t these bloggers ever get bored of the topic!!

courtesy

See, I am not a relationship pro. No one can be. Being in a relationship and learning from it, is a journey, not a destination. But I am going to share a single funda of relationships based on my personal experience. Unlike my previous posts I will stop beating around the bushes (no pun intended :P) and jump on the subject (no pun intended either :D).

Honeymoon periods (I said no pun intended…dontcha gettit?) come with an expiry date and if you can still keep it fresh you have survived the hardest test of your relationship syllabus.

Phase I:

The mirage

Each and every relationship starts with a very thrilling and exciting phase. You find the other person very attractive. Time spent with him/her seems too short. Flattery is your buzzword (with a slight amount of teasing which brings out the naughtiness quotient) and you are in sheer amazement how yours and his/hers choices match exactly. You start believing that this is divine intervention in your life and he/she is ‘The One’. Each and every word, laugh, joke, movie, popcorn and random tangible objects seem so perfectly made for both of you. You act like a 6 months old kid who runs after the shiny object and tries to chew everything that can fit in the tiny mouth. Here you learn from each and every couple around and swear to God a million times, “We are surely never gonna do that”. Here the concept of nicknames is introduced (if you are really into it).

Phase II:

The Oasis

Now you decide that you need to grow up. And you try to grow up (but don’t realise that you are going to fail miserably anyway). Here your relationship becomes a bit romantic and mushy, which is good! You tease less and touch more (emotionally and physically). You start trusting and everything seems perfect. You are the ossumest couple and all other couples are not. If other couples fight, you laugh at them and if they don’t, you label them as ‘boring’. You like holding hands and squeezing them in public to show the extra bit of attention and care (like extra cheese on the top of a pizza). You like the smell of his/her hair/skin. Till now you have stopped looking/gawking at other random dude/chick (since you have found the water). If you have survived phase II then believe me you can be a very very good boyfriend/girlfriend. But remember you have still not graduated to become the ‘only one’ in life. Even if the other person tells you that you are a graduate now don’t ever ever believe him/her, because if you do believe then you will never graduate.

Phase III:

The Desert

Now this is an advance phase of relationship. Here you and your sonu/jaanu/sweetu/golu/or any random nickname you call him/her will be tested and tried to examine your potential to go through the hardships of the journey called ‘Life’. Here a small glimpse of reality is shown to you. In this phase you come to see a small preview of the real you and your partner, completely devoid of the coating of chivalry and ‘desperately-trying-to-impress-you’ part. You fight over petty issues. If you can handle petty issues you will be able to handle real ones later. You agree to disagree. Jealousy and possessiveness creep in, typically confined in this phase only. Because In phase I and II you were too young and busy to experience jealousy and possessiveness, and in later phase you will be too grown up. This is adolescent phase of relationship and is the most vulnerable. You think that you have ‘seen-it-all’ and question ‘is there something new?’

Sometimes it seems real boring but the sense of satisfaction that at least you have someone makes you stick (which can be quite dangerous sometimes). Since this phase is life turner, you will always emerge as a winner (even if you don’t pass the test).

If you pass phase III, congratulations you have graduated and have become member of an elite club called ‘committed’ (and boring).

If you have failed phase III, kudos to you, welcome to the elite club called ‘hurt and hungry’ or ‘single and sexy’ or whatever appeals.

Remember that Phase I, II and III are collectively called the ‘Honeymoon’ or ‘Delusional’ phase of a relationship. The real life begins after that and it gets tougher. But you have been trained to survive and if God (and you partner) wants, you will survive and emerge as a winner.

Note that the word ‘LOVE’ doesn’t even appear a single time in any of the phases because the real ‘LOVE’ starts after you graduate.

P.S. The symptoms in different phases may vary from couple to couple, orientation to orientation, but the basic classification of stages and their predicted results are more or less accurate. Isn’t it?