Vande Mataram

“I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too?”

I am proud of being an Indian. I am proud that I spent substantial time of life in Bihar. When I was in Delhi it made me proud that my country has a capital with superb metro service and superb eateries. I am proud that NCR boasts of three women being molested or raped everyday in NCR source. And funny thing is, I write the definition of feminism in my GSB (aptly named Government, Society and Business) examination for marks. In this blog you will find a lot of hate posts about women. Now that makes me a true Indian. A guy growing up in booming India, in his mid twenties, having a distorted image of women. Aah I am so proud to be in that category.

Last time when I wrote a about the Kolkata rape case, it was not out of anger. It was out of shame. Now I am so apathetic about it that I don’t feel even shame. Rather I feel pride. Rambling on Facebook, Twitter and Blog is my best way of feeling proud. My pathetic attention deficit syndrome has finally compelled me to change my DP on FB and I have updated it with a pic that clearly depicts that I am not one of ‘them’. I am cool. I am different. I am thinking that I am going to buy a T-shirt that says “Real men don’t rape’. They blog – I muttered. I know I am writing this to show off to get more likes from girls than boys. I am one of those middle class boys who grew up in a society of suppressed sexuality. That is why I gawk at girls as a piece of meat with my fellow friends. But let me forget the blame game here and feel the pride. I am a true Indian who sitting in a cozy room in Chennai with constant internet connection, is writing shit on his pirated MS Word. After this I will lit a cigarette, post the blog and go on discussing girls of my college and how they looked today. That is not pathetic. That is true Indian pride talking.

I LOL-ed on the fact that people are writing sorry to Damini. Why say sorry? She deserved it. That’s a gift from an Indian to a fellow Indian. She was barely called by her name in media. She is always objectified as the victim. Now that portrayal will surely evoke emotions within us. She was just news and will fade away easily. Busy life, busy people. Busy in raising children, rapists. Few hours ago somebody posted that the ‘victim’ died. Aah that’s a relief. Now I can go back to my hilarious posts on ‘December Fool’s day’ and all Mayan Calendar shit. We make jokes on ‘end of the world’. No one realises that India is already dead.

-Fellow proud self-loathing Indian

[Thinking about the next doomsday joke – the ‘in’ thing]

P.S. Vande Mataram means I salute to (my) mother. Did you note that India is also a woman?

Few readings for reflection :

Why Indian men rape

Dear Victim

Closed eyes make you Blind

Dear Didi,

Grow up. If you think that you are old enough then, wake up.

Let me tell you very clearly in the beginning of the letter that I am not a member, neither am I remotely connected to the ‘Red’ camp. So if you do suspect me that I am planning to conspire against you with my presence in social media and my not so popular tweeter handle, then sorry to disappoint you, I am just a common man.

If unfortunately you do read this and ban me and my existence using SOPA (aah seems so funny..Sibbal ji come out with a cooler name to fight your super cool enemy ie. Internet), I will be very glad as that will actually prove that you are still in deep slumber or still in your adolescence.

You and Nitish Bhaiyya (I should have called him Nitish Da, being a bong, but I was brought up in Bihar, so can’t help) have a similarity. Both of you came into power after defeating a long, ineffective, selfish era of false hopes and promises (34 years of red camp and 15 years of crap camp). Kudos to you for that. But the similarity ends right there. He moved on and you became a cry baby.

I know you have great power and with great power comes great responsibility (stolen from the movie Spiderman). You chose the right strategy to get that power. You highlighted the inefficiency and inability of your opponent to govern a state. Hit the iron when it is hot was your mantra. Not only did you highlight the shortcomings of your opponents but also connected with people of all stature by walking up to them in your chappals. What a commendable job! And people believed you. At least I did.

I still remember that when you won, I had a debate with my friend who questioned your ability to handle the power. He said that a person needs maturity and personality to hold the highest position in a state. I defended you by saying that for development you need only vision.

And you brought development by introducing street lights like London and painting the city ‘blue’. What a visionary you are! Visionaries lead and show tomorrow. You are still stuck in the past. Blaming the opponents for all the Satanic phenomenon was a cool move to win, but not anymore. To exist, you need to give reasons. To us, to your opponents, to the eyes filled with hopes.

“Kolkata is a timid city. If you cannot protest at least feel sorry.” –That’s what came into my ears on 15^th January on my way to office while listening to FM. Before this day I used to consider Kolkata as a safe city for women unlike Delhi. My belief was shattered when I came across the Park Street rape case. It hurt me more because I am a regular in pubs and discs.

But I was filled with rage when you, being a woman yourself, called this incident to be fabricated one and a conspiracy of opponents. Do you actually know the meaning of ‘rape’ or do you believe in “Ignorance is Bliss”? You seriously need to go back to school and learn some basics and get some class.

It seems that you are still in your teens who bitches about her neighbour for every pimple that comes out on her forehead. Farmers dying – opponent conspiracy. Woman raped – opponent fabricated. I will not be shocked, if on a fine morning the density of your poop decreases and you blame the opponent for mixing water in it.

After that, what happened today was a cherry on the top. You  called Damayanti Sen and Jawed Shamim to Writers and after an hour long closed door meeting, they came out to hold a press conference to clarify themselves in Writers itself. Oh come on, bring some class and shrewdness in the game of politics and ask them to go to Lalbazar first and then clarify in front of media. It looks genuine that way.

Let me tell you what an IAS/IPS means. In my opinion they are the highest post a person can get in Indian administrative/judicial hierarchy using his talent, brain, dedication and passion to serve the country. The people whom you called in Writers to flaunt your power have read more number books than the number of hairs in your whole body. Pay some respect to them if you have a mirror with you. Just imagine the condition your beloved state will be in if these senior bureaucrats decide not to do their job whole-heartedly. The law and order of the state will be at toss and you will still be playing the blame game.

Grow up before it is too late. Wake up before the darkness prevails. Stop crying and do.

Sincerely Yours,

Sinbycosmoy.

Letter

To You,

I have drunk a lot

But I will not cry.

Ridiculous?

I am sad.

I’m drunk.

I don’t usually get sad (even if I get dunk).

At least when I get drunk.

So, lets say I have drunk more than avg.

I miss you. I really miss you,’

I don’t have you.

I don’t have to be you.

I want a girl who knows me as well as you.

As if I can share my life with me.

But I really miss you.

I will never call you.

But I will feel the void.

I want you back but not in a normal way.

You know you were who mattered in my life. That’s pathetic. Even if I had cared for you at any point of my life, just dream and be a stone.

 

It is funny that every time I write I try to create a controversy. Is it true or just an exaggeration? I wrote the above paragraph when I was high. Now back to the present.

It is a bit strange that after so many days you called and asked me a question which I expected (not prayed). I prayed that you will ask me, “Are you happy?”. But I know You. You will never answer my prayer. But You answered my expectations. I expected you to ask me something which I will never expect. Something which has nothing to do with me being a being who is trying to survive (and so is everyone). A question which is trivial enough to be asked when you are non-trivial to be answered. So you asked it. “Can you leave cigarette?”

And ironically I answered. I answered in a way which is comforting to me more than it is to you. You know, truth gives hope. I used to think that if I speak my heart to someone, then that person will give heart for me. Not anymore. Now I pretend. You have gifted me a permanent fear of trust. Thank You. Thank You for this lovely feeling of ‘being uncomfortable’ throughout life. If I feel uncomfortable that means I am still breathing. Miracle.

So I answered and answer didn’t give hope. Not to you neither to me. So I avoided the risk of hopes being shattered. Although I am very used to this ‘hopes shattered’ kind of thing from my childhood (may be the reason for my introvert-ness), I still avoid it.

Take Care

And Keep laughing

And continue to make this world (not mine) a happy place to live in.

Me.

Pin prick a cocoon

Caution : This post may contain excessive usage of expletives which may not be apt for your kindergarten literary taste. So if you are a hypocrite and have an illusion of high self-esteem, just stop reading and fuck off.

Dedicated to all the sluts out there. (DRUMROLL)

Lemme tell you a fact and a little secret. It is a fact that I can talk to girls. Now that may not be an ossum fact for you guys who are pretty popular with the fairer sex but for an introvert like me it is a self-confidence booster. I can talk, make them laugh, make them feel comfortable and I am not gay. Now the secret is that I can’t talk back. I may seem pretty confident (sometimes over-confident) from time to time and scenario to scenario, but the truth is I cannot protest.

There is a page on facebook with the following name :

“I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it`s unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he`s a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she`s a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it`s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it`s a shitty lock. That shut her up..”

Everyone in my office knows that I went through a breakup couple of months back and I do gawk at girls (natural masculine phenomenon. Helpless!!), everywhere and fall in love every now and then. I am not a hypocrite and I do express my feelings openly. Is that a crime? At least I am not one of those who wants do an arrange marriage and will rape his wife on the first night. Long story, we will come to that shit later.

Story 1

Now some girls in my office are paying that ‘extra’ bit of attention towards me and I admit that I do enjoy it. But since I have the tiniest amount of courage when it comes to girls, so obviously the ‘extra’ attention is never encouraged by me (nor discouraged though :P). Those girls are either married or would be married or want to get married (and want to have a fling with me). Does that make me a bad person or a person who tries desperately to get girls? At least to them it does. Let me make this very clear that just because I had a breakup and am single (and have experience), does not mean I will sleep around for fun and allow you to look down on me. I am a guy with high self-esteem and an enviable (sometimes) dick. If you want to take it in your mouth (or wherever) then just don’t make me look like a slut. Believe me, in a normal Indian society, any guy who humps any animate (or inanimate) object in his way, he is not considered a legend, rather a guy with loose character.

So if you want the beak don’t call me weak.

Story 2

Just because I talk to you and laugh with you and like you, does not mean I am all over you. The thing that changed me from my last relationship is that, I can get out of any crush/love instantly and brutally (that was what has been done to me). So girl if you think just because I have given you some slightest indications doesn’t mean that I am panting like a dog to grab your boobs (although I would love to). Just because I like being with you does not mean you can treat me like your bitch (and ironically be the good person in everyone’s eye). And if you do, although you are not a guy, I will make you become one and then kick your balls (that would be so much fun). Libra may be the zodiac sign of classy people, but with a typical Bihari accent, believe me you are too crude for my taste. You are dumb and insensitive bitch with no sense of self-respect or taste. Being a Bong, gives me an inherent responsibility to make fun of people from your state. Now if you are not angry and want a good company (guaranteed), let us go and have some ‘chai and biskut’.

By the way, our mistress looks better than you.

Story 3

That slutty hypocrite, I hate her. Just to feel powerful, she boasts of the friend requests and slaps and tells lies. I sincerely hate her. She tries desperately to prove that she not a typical girl but trust me she is a perfect example of a girl. Typical girls dress up to gain attention and try desperately to show of her stern belief on feminism (without explicitly expressing it). She does that all and more. I am sitting beside you and accidentally you give me ‘that’ look. I innocently notice that my shoulder may have unknowingly brushed your boobs, SLIGHTLY. If you don’t trust we guys, and always think that we intentionally may eve tease you, then why the hell do you hang around with guys? Feel powerful eh?? Really, are you that weak? How can you be two-faced with a big innocent grin on your face? If you were born in a different world, with more girls than boys, unlike India with bad women to men ratio, you would have been perfectly treated. Here you can only be treated psychologically. Get yourself a doctor.

You are more pathetic than me. Ironical!!

Story 4

A girl’s parents were too eager to marry their daughter. In Indian society (at least most of it), girls are considered to be a burden. Don’t be illusioned by India’s political hierarchy with a feminine Numero Uno. India is still a country where girls are worshipped as well as raped. Unity in diversity. So, they put an ad in a matrimonial site, hence started the marketing of a fresh product. The product was picked up by prospective customers. And here the parents decide the customer they want to transfer their ownership of the product. A NRI customer, with a promising career in Silicon Valley is enough to make these parents’ jaw drop. The customer never sees the product, personally, before the transfer of ownership (popularly and deceivingly known as ‘marriage’). After the marriage, on the first night (and never a day, its full of light, fear of unmasking), it is customary for the customer to ‘test’ the product with his beak. As the customer is NRI, a general thought is that he has not dipped his dick for a long time. So throughout the night the girl, ahem, the product, gets exploited pretending to enjoy it. When ‘it’ is unable to bear anymore, she begs that she cannot take anymore. The customer being a generous fellow, stops. For five minutes. And resumes on the top. He will not stop even if tears roll out of the eyes of ‘it’.

Can we hang the customer, this guy, instead of Kasab?

I don’t pity girls who wait for the right and settle for wrong. I laugh at those, who ‘test/taste’ every right and wrong is what they deserve. I don’t care if you are princess or a self-conscious, insecure, pathetic loser who desperately tries to look like one, you will still not get respect from the core of my heart (although I can pretend). If you don’t deserve it, you will not fucking get it. Have some self-pity. Prescribed.

I told you, I can’t talk back. So I write. If you read the post and hated me, don’t come back and you are welcome. If you liked it you are the saddest person (with a littlest wiener) on the face of earth. Go and commit suicide right now.

Tada. Take care of your little ego and virginity. Laugh at mirror to detoxify.

P.S. I am proud of the post.