Letter

To You,

I have drunk a lot

But I will not cry.

Ridiculous?

I am sad.

I’m drunk.

I don’t usually get sad (even if I get dunk).

At least when I get drunk.

So, lets say I have drunk more than avg.

I miss you. I really miss you,’

I don’t have you.

I don’t have to be you.

I want a girl who knows me as well as you.

As if I can share my life with me.

But I really miss you.

I will never call you.

But I will feel the void.

I want you back but not in a normal way.

You know you were who mattered in my life. That’s pathetic. Even if I had cared for you at any point of my life, just dream and be a stone.

 

It is funny that every time I write I try to create a controversy. Is it true or just an exaggeration? I wrote the above paragraph when I was high. Now back to the present.

It is a bit strange that after so many days you called and asked me a question which I expected (not prayed). I prayed that you will ask me, “Are you happy?”. But I know You. You will never answer my prayer. But You answered my expectations. I expected you to ask me something which I will never expect. Something which has nothing to do with me being a being who is trying to survive (and so is everyone). A question which is trivial enough to be asked when you are non-trivial to be answered. So you asked it. “Can you leave cigarette?”

And ironically I answered. I answered in a way which is comforting to me more than it is to you. You know, truth gives hope. I used to think that if I speak my heart to someone, then that person will give heart for me. Not anymore. Now I pretend. You have gifted me a permanent fear of trust. Thank You. Thank You for this lovely feeling of ‘being uncomfortable’ throughout life. If I feel uncomfortable that means I am still breathing. Miracle.

So I answered and answer didn’t give hope. Not to you neither to me. So I avoided the risk of hopes being shattered. Although I am very used to this ‘hopes shattered’ kind of thing from my childhood (may be the reason for my introvert-ness), I still avoid it.

Take Care

And Keep laughing

And continue to make this world (not mine) a happy place to live in.

Me.

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3 Comments

Filed under anger, childhood, death, humor, life, love, memories, nostalgia, phases, pleasure, random, relationships, sinbycosmoy, society, women

3 responses to “Letter

  1. anomymous

    I have been following your blogs since a not so good friend of mine posted it on facebook. I wont say I am a blind admirer of you… in fact by the time I finish reading I become so angry that I feel like slapping you right on your face ( in most of the cases)….each n every time I feel the same way., honestly speaking I thought … I give it a shit but this 1 left me with no choice. Each n every post of yours reflects only 1 single thing to me that you could be so much more but (in writing I mean… no personal attack meant) you are restricting yourself.. Arrogant and bold writing is always entertaining but the arrogance you show in your writing makes it very much vulnerable. I can easily make out what made you write like this , and that makes it very fragile, it feels as if you are standing on a cliff and a light breeze is capable to through you down. I really enjoy the transition of the decency and the way you make it rude., I feel you should not let your readers enter your thoughts and predict what make you write all these.. I am sure you will write even more crunchier things as munching is good but regurgitating is not…..no hard feelings 🙂

  2. Dear Reader,
    Thank you for following the blog (without being an admirer) and I will try my best to live up to the expectations of my readers (which are anyway few…pheww…:)
    Enough of ego-boosting, now back to business.
    After reading, you want to slap my face (aah of course with no hard feelings) and without even knowing me, you are ready to comment on my arrogance and vulnerability (please also calculate my blood pressure with that), then you are a super genius. BTW if you can easily make out what has happened to me (dont make it sound like an accident), it is not because of your grey matters, but it is solely because of the series of post I have written time to time, sharing what I feel about myself (and about what has so-called ‘happened to me’). If people can predict some of my post, then they know that the post is a part of a phase of my life. I am not ashamed of that or neither does it makes me fragile. Having clarity of thought and expressing your feeling makes you fragile? It seems like you have to stop being narcissist. Don’t be a fellow who can use some silly words like rude, fragile… and feel ‘whoa I am super smart’. Get out of your cocoon and get to know the world (this time for real). Going to places does not mean knowing people. This time learn about life not by its cover, but by its depth. Your comment seemed too shallow and baseless (as if knowledge gained from reading books). This year try to experience more.
    Happy Reading…no hard feelings 🙂

  3. Pingback: GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO | ChristianBlessings

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