Tag Archives: humor

Sinner’s Afterthought

I am a sinner. Even before I committed the sin, it has always been hard for me to be in the society. My social awkwardness always made it difficult for me to stand others. So I pushed them away. Sometimes knowingly. Sometimes unknowingly. I didn’t feel bad about it. I was too comfortable with it.

After the sin I feel different. The comfort is gone and has been replaced by a sudden sense of emptiness. Not that the sin I committed was the first sin that has ever been committed. Nor it was the first after acts started getting classified and judged as sin. I classified (and judged) my act as sin because people would say so. I know them. That is why I am not comfortable around them.

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I feel restless and light. Carrying the weight of a sin is tiring and demanding. It is making me guilty and less confident. I don’t want to feel guilty, It is better to be confident when you hate humanity.

There is a conflict. My feelings and my cynicism contradict each other. They are flawed. Feelings. Cynicism. Human Nature. My thoughts tell me to hate every person in that mirror. To judge them, To make fun of them. Yet I loathe myself of the sin – conceptualised by the same people I love to hate. This clearly exhibits my latent need of social acceptance. I am scared that if people know that I am a sinner they will hate me or make fun of me or both.

I try to avoid these parties because of their necessity to participate, but free booze helps. This party was comparatively easy to me. I was on my own, judging and smiling and sipping my single malt. Being easy does not come easy. It needs years of practice, ignorance and at least two doubles of fine spirit. But after the sin, the part air has become too dense to breathe in. I know that everyone in this party is a sinner. The black man in the green suit who keeps on gulping fine scotch and fine kebabs, sometimes both at the same time, is a sinner. And so is the lady in the red dress. She is too sophisticated, too pretty and too thin. I have to go and talk to her. I have to regain my confidence, quickly.

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Epiphany. I found the solution to my problem. They cannot know that I am a sinner. But my face reveals everything. It is reeking of guilt. How can I betray myself to fool others? There are two ways. One way is to forget about the sin. If I don’t remember the sin, I will not feel bad about it. I will let the sin vanish in thin air. Then I will be able to pretend to be happy, happily. I will be confident again. Ready to hate the society, again. But it is a time consuming process. The more you do not want to think, the more it haunts you.

Or I can use my second option, my plan B. It is rather easy. Short and simple. I have to convince myself that I am not the sinner. People get comfortable with their sin once they have established the logical context where it is not a sin anymore. I know people. They are all sinners, both women and men. Once they have all the equations and theorems to prove that the sin is not a sin after all, the facial expression of guilt, marked by a twisted nose and a frown, suddenly disappears. The feeling of guilt ceases to exist. It is easy for me. I would just pretend nothing happened. I have to just plead ‘not guilty’ to myself.

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And I have to promise myself that I will not commit the sin again. At least not in public. I will never fart again. God Promise!

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Filed under random, sinbycosmoy, society

Yet another ‘love+relationship’ post

Don’t these bloggers ever get bored of the topic!!

courtesy

See, I am not a relationship pro. No one can be. Being in a relationship and learning from it, is a journey, not a destination. But I am going to share a single funda of relationships based on my personal experience. Unlike my previous posts I will stop beating around the bushes (no pun intended :P) and jump on the subject (no pun intended either :D).

Honeymoon periods (I said no pun intended…dontcha gettit?) come with an expiry date and if you can still keep it fresh you have survived the hardest test of your relationship syllabus.

Phase I:

The mirage

Each and every relationship starts with a very thrilling and exciting phase. You find the other person very attractive. Time spent with him/her seems too short. Flattery is your buzzword (with a slight amount of teasing which brings out the naughtiness quotient) and you are in sheer amazement how yours and his/hers choices match exactly. You start believing that this is divine intervention in your life and he/she is ‘The One’. Each and every word, laugh, joke, movie, popcorn and random tangible objects seem so perfectly made for both of you. You act like a 6 months old kid who runs after the shiny object and tries to chew everything that can fit in the tiny mouth. Here you learn from each and every couple around and swear to God a million times, “We are surely never gonna do that”. Here the concept of nicknames is introduced (if you are really into it).

Phase II:

The Oasis

Now you decide that you need to grow up. And you try to grow up (but don’t realise that you are going to fail miserably anyway). Here your relationship becomes a bit romantic and mushy, which is good! You tease less and touch more (emotionally and physically). You start trusting and everything seems perfect. You are the ossumest couple and all other couples are not. If other couples fight, you laugh at them and if they don’t, you label them as ‘boring’. You like holding hands and squeezing them in public to show the extra bit of attention and care (like extra cheese on the top of a pizza). You like the smell of his/her hair/skin. Till now you have stopped looking/gawking at other random dude/chick (since you have found the water). If you have survived phase II then believe me you can be a very very good boyfriend/girlfriend. But remember you have still not graduated to become the ‘only one’ in life. Even if the other person tells you that you are a graduate now don’t ever ever believe him/her, because if you do believe then you will never graduate.

Phase III:

The Desert

Now this is an advance phase of relationship. Here you and your sonu/jaanu/sweetu/golu/or any random nickname you call him/her will be tested and tried to examine your potential to go through the hardships of the journey called ‘Life’. Here a small glimpse of reality is shown to you. In this phase you come to see a small preview of the real you and your partner, completely devoid of the coating of chivalry and ‘desperately-trying-to-impress-you’ part. You fight over petty issues. If you can handle petty issues you will be able to handle real ones later. You agree to disagree. Jealousy and possessiveness creep in, typically confined in this phase only. Because In phase I and II you were too young and busy to experience jealousy and possessiveness, and in later phase you will be too grown up. This is adolescent phase of relationship and is the most vulnerable. You think that you have ‘seen-it-all’ and question ‘is there something new?’

Sometimes it seems real boring but the sense of satisfaction that at least you have someone makes you stick (which can be quite dangerous sometimes). Since this phase is life turner, you will always emerge as a winner (even if you don’t pass the test).

If you pass phase III, congratulations you have graduated and have become member of an elite club called ‘committed’ (and boring).

If you have failed phase III, kudos to you, welcome to the elite club called ‘hurt and hungry’ or ‘single and sexy’ or whatever appeals.

Remember that Phase I, II and III are collectively called the ‘Honeymoon’ or ‘Delusional’ phase of a relationship. The real life begins after that and it gets tougher. But you have been trained to survive and if God (and you partner) wants, you will survive and emerge as a winner.

Note that the word ‘LOVE’ doesn’t even appear a single time in any of the phases because the real ‘LOVE’ starts after you graduate.

P.S. The symptoms in different phases may vary from couple to couple, orientation to orientation, but the basic classification of stages and their predicted results are more or less accurate. Isn’t it?

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Filed under humor, phases, relationships, sinbycosmoy, society, women