Tag Archives: men

Can’t be better

All beautiful things are worth taking pain for.

I have always found that love is overrated. No I am not a cynic, rather a realist. I have been in and out of relationships and I have witnessed the love fade away. That being said I have also witnessed the so called eternal love stories where they are in deep and blind love, they get married and live happily ever after. But adjustments do form an important part of a ‘healthy’ and long lasting relationship.

I also think that love cannot be among equals. Either one has to love down while the other loves up. If equals do fall for each other their equality may become the issue of conflicts arising from most unexpected of the situations. This loving up & down creates two categories. The ‘good enough’ and the ‘can’t be better’.

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Nisa and Avik fell in love in their college days. They were the perfect example of the borrowed concept of high school sweethearts. Although they were jealousy inducing couple and seemed perfect and were popular among their peers, their friends had a tingling feeling whenever they encountered them hand-in-hand. This was probably because Nisa is dark-skinned and Avik is milky-white, Nisa was an average student while Avik was comparatively intellectually élite. In India where fairness is a measure of beauty and beauty is a measure of love, these kind of relationships are rare. It is rare to see a dark-skinned woman with a ‘fair & handsome’ man. We have been brought up in a society where men are stereotyped as tall, dark, handsome while women have to be fair. Nisa and Avik broke norms. Moral of the story is that according to clichéd beauty concepts Avik is ‘better’ than Nisa and that probably disturbed their friends at some level. But it was impossible to discuss these issues forget about voicing them. They were both engineers, belonged to modern society, wore branded attires and were going to work in an IT giant. Talking ‘trash’ did not suit them.

Nisa was a beautiful woman. She was big bosomed lady and had equally attractive waist line. She knew that she is a head turner which was enhanced by her unquestionable dressing sense. She was perky and could easily make friends. She was soft and used to cry for no reason. Her friends adored her, both men and women. She loved splurging, shopping and smiling. Apart from the fact that everyone knew she was already taken which she voiced with pride, she always acted innocent which made it very difficult for guys hitting on her. But men will be men and she has received her fair share of attention, love-letters and gawking.

Avik was a one of those guys who looked ruggedly handsome in carefully careless scanty beard. He was fair, tall and muscular. His rimless glasses made him even more irresistible. But he was above and beyond looking good. He was intelligent and he was one of the top performers in Nisa’s college. He will truly make you believe that ‘God is unfair’. Avik has also received his ‘fair’ share of attention, love-letters and gawking.

Both Nisa and Avik got placed from campus in Intellitech Consultancy Services, the biggest ITES Company in India and that is where they met Nikhil. Nikhil was a jovial chap. He always maintained a balance between his studies and fun. He paid due attention to his female colleagues but when it came to studies or work he was more than serious. He knew that he was not a brainiac and always tried to compensate it with his hard work and sheer dedication. He had a good sense of humour and easily became friends with Avik and Nisa.

Avik was careerist and within few weeks into their training he started teaching a whole batch of new joinees on the request of his beautiful HR. Company is a totally different ball game when compared to college. Nisa may have enjoyed her popularity because of her big bosom and bigger heart, but at Intellitech the number of girls around increased threefold. They came from all the corners of India in all sizes, shapes and moods and that meant an increased competition and increased sense of insecurity for Nisa. But Nisa was a smart girl and she made a lot of friends, apart from Nikhil. Her insecurity was also diminished by the apathy of Avik towards girls.

After training Avik got a high profile project due to his performance during the training. Both Nisa and Nikhil were benched. Those days were dreamy for Nisa as she got regular salary as pocket money which she spent on more dresses and more. Nikhil got frustrated in those days listening to constant chatter of Nisa. Luckily after about three months they got the same project and same work profile. Nikhil was a guy and he knew the importance of a career. Quickly he assumed a lot of responsibilities and became a dependable employee in the project. Nisa with her laid-back attitude tried to cope up with the corporate life venting out her frustration due to work pressure though frequent exhibition of tears. Nikhil was always there as a friend to wipe them and provide comfort. He considered it as an added responsibility given that his friend Avik was always busy.

The chemistry between Nikhil and Nisa was very much visible to other colleagues in the project and they started teasing them. ‘You are lucky bloke that she is your friend.’ ‘At least introduce us once, we will take care of the rest.’ Nikhil enjoyed the attention as it provided a much-needed relief from the work pressure and answered them with a stupid smile. ‘She is just a friend’, which added more fuel to the fire.

‘You have a thing for him, isn’t it?’ Her boss once said, in front of Nikhil. Nikhil smiled stupidly and tried to ignore her. Nisa was smart and innocent. ‘O, Stop you. Don’t spread or believe these rumours. He is just like my brother.’ Nisa said casually pointing at Nikhil. This really irritated Nikhil. He hated girls who called him like-brother. ‘Don’t ever do that. Don’t ever call me your brother. I am not your brother and I have no intention of being one. I have a sister and she is more than enough. It is like you have a feeling for me and you want to shadow it with a pseudo-relationship tag. “Brother” is an invisible chastity belt for girls. Don’t you worry. Avik is my good friend and I will never hit on you.’

‘Okay, Okay you love birds. Stop fighting. Go to your cubicles and start work now’, their boss stopped the whole thing before it went out of hand. In the meantime Avik was learning and growing really fast in the organisation, but in IT services companies, however big they may be, stagnation dawned as quickly as you learn. Avik switched companies along with city. He got a lucrative offer from Mango Inc., a California-based tech product company. He shifted his base to Bengaluru, the city to be.

Nisa cried again. This time her boss also consoled her along with Nikhil. ‘Stop crying all the time. He will be fine and you can visit him once a month. I will sanction your leave. Now stop your sob.’ But she didn’t and Nikhil was confused this time. ‘What will be the correct and best way to make her stop crying,’ he thought. Her boss tried again. ‘Okay tell me what do you want to be in life?’ ‘I wanted to be an actress.’ Nikhil smiled and thought she would have made a beautiful and successful one. ‘But I can’t, because I am dark. So now I want to be a housewife. I want to marry Avik soon and want to spend money, a lot,’ she said with muffed voice trying desperately to breathe, sob and talk, all at once. ‘But now there is even more distance between us.’

After Avik left the city life became busy for all of them. Nikhil and Nisa found less time to talk to each other. Office colleagues got bored of teasing them once they sensed the futility of their venture and Nisa’s commitment. Nisa also cried less and dropped tears only in case of serious issues like periods, dandruff, unsolvable bug and bad lunch. ‘You are becoming mature’, teased Nikhil at their daily meet during lunch. She smiled and ate silently.

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Nisa has not cried for a long long time, may be weeks. One day, out of the blue the tears reappeared. ‘What happened this time? Did they put extra salt in the sambhar?’ asked Nikhil to cheer her up. She didn’t say anything.

‘O, come on now. Stop crying and speak up’

‘My parents want me to marry’

‘So? Ask Avik to marry you. What is the problem here?’

‘He doesn’t want to marry this soon.’

‘Tell your parents to wait a little then.’

‘I don’t want to wait. I don’t know if I am good enough for him. What if he finds a new one?’

‘If you love him you have to trust him. You have to wait.’ She kept mum.

‘You love him, right?’ She didn’t speak a word. ‘Tell me.’

‘I don’t know.’

This made Nikhil muddled and bold. ‘Then why are you stuck with him? You are beautiful. You can get a lot of guys.’

‘That guy can’t be better than him’

P.S. All characters are fictitious and there is no damn doubt about it.

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Filed under life, love, random, Reviews and more, sinbycosmoy, society, women

How to woo girls – A loser’s guide

 

Wooing girls has always been considered as an art. It needs passion, endurance, inborn capabilities and lots and lots of practice. I thought to myself, why not analyse this art and prepare a synopsis for a cookbook. I am an expert (certification and 97.5 patents pending with the cupid).

After lots of analysis, closed room discussions with myself and my beer bottle (and belly) and incessant staring at the stars I have reached to a revealing conclusion. The conclusion is whether a guy is interested or not interested in a girl he will behave to impress a girl, without fail. He will behave according to the strategy he has created from his teens (or way before), the strategy (may or may not have been successful) which he thinks fits him the best and which will (in his own small world) make a girl go crazy (and wet). So I have decided to categorise guys and look for the girl which will suit you the best. For starters I do believe that ‘opposites attract’.  People always try to look person who has all the qualities they have only dreamt about in themselves. So here is a small excerpt. The cookbook is still cooking (baking to be exact).

The decent devils

These guys are like coconut or melons. Tough from outside and sissy soft from inside. He will always act rowdy in front of others and will talk softly to each and every girl he meets. The girl community will form and opinion that you are very decent and you will always try to break their belief. This has a dual advantage. You can do whatever you want and still be considered as a ‘good’ guy.

If you do feel that you are one of these kind then watch a lot of movies based on split personality (like Fight Club, Spider Man or Secret Window). These movies will enrich you and portray you as a pseudo-intellectual loser stud. And believe me pseudo-intellectualism is a huge head-turner for most of the women. The girl which will suit you is typical ‘ghar-ki-bahu/behenji’ types. These girls will be super committed and will also allow you to act rowdy. You can actually make fun of them in front of everybody and they will not mind. Isn’t that a cool way to satisfy tour piggish little ego?

The BiKing Boys

Ah..you have a spelndor,passion,FZ,fazer,apache,pulsar then you are ready for a go. Girls love bikes. At least, most of them. They love the fluttering of their hair sitting on the pinion while the chauffer guy escorts them to a mall. These guys pretend that they don’t care about mileage and can drive bhery bhery fast. And they can even drive a bike keeping their both hands in air (old school?).

If you do fall in this category then spend minimal on yourself, because the girls whom you are going to patofy are very expensive (financially and emotionally). But there are certain tricks. You kind of girls love movies and ice-cream. So in that case you have to spare pend only Fridays with them. Rest of the week they are busy gossiping.

The farting flirts

These are the guys who think farting in front of girl is damn cute. Their fart is always those sweet and dangerous. They have a small *beeep* sound or a sweet humming sound which comes out momentarily from their rear window.

If you fall in this category you should and would look for a girl who smokes or the one who loves to smell. One who smokes will never complain because her olfactory glands have lost their sensitivity to smell (hope their other glands are working). The one who loves to smell will go crazy about you as she not only loves you but you as a complete person with all the intangible (and abstract) qualities you have. If you really want to keep (or woo) this girl eat a lot of cabbage and radish and cauliflower. This kind of diet will keep your relationship in balance.

The handsome hunk

These kinds spend hours in gym and more hours shaving their armpits. They smell good and taste even better (no personal experience cited). They have an obsession for sunglasses. They have feeling that they can woo every girl and believe me, at the end of the day, they can.

So, you fall in this category. Feeling lucky about your genes and mirror eh? If you do belong here then keep a comb and mirror (the ones sold in local trains) always with yourself, you may not get a washroom to look good everywhere. You should always look for a girl with super-model looks. You don’t have to care about the words like ‘cultured’ and ‘classy’ because your girl will never bother about them. She will be too proud of herself and too engrossed in her shallowness and facial (no pun intended). And don’t forget to worship Hrithik. When your girl screams ‘OOHH MY GAWD’ in the bed, she is actually referring to Hrithik.

The Mama’s boy

These kinds of guys take permission from home to go to pee. They use local transport to travel and never have driven a bike because it is too dangerous (as his mom says).Specifically suited for arranged marriages, these guys love their family and cheating does not appear in their dictionary. Their body structure can range from too lean to guys with dudeterus.

If you fall in this group and brave enough to accept it then ‘salute’. You should look out for an independent girl who loves freedom. The girl should have a Royal Enfield so that you can capture her pinion. Remember Deepika in ‘Karthik calling Karthik’? And she should never ever wear a saree. She should teach you to drink whiskey and act as your second mom. She should take you out for a stroll every day in the evening for some fresh air.

The frustrated frat

These kind of guys are super shy and super duper frustrated losers. They always hang in groups and can be spotted in different malls passionately pursuing their hobby ie. Girl watching. They may even fall in love and will wait for a glimpse of the girl of their dreams but will never ever have the guts to talk.

So if you are this kind of loser then it is probable that you masturbate a lot (and I can’t define lot). And you are so egoistic that you are actually waiting for a girl who would come up to you and fall on your feet. You, my friend need medication or a bold girl. You are looking for a girl who (and her commitment) will be your asset to flaunt. Best of Luck with that.

The ‘I don’t care ones’

These guys are also seen in bunch and they feel like pride of lions. They think show that they don’t care a shit about girls (but are not considered gay) but secretly try to get a girls attention. Actually they are the hungriest kind and their every move is targeted to woo girls.

If, my friend, you are here then believe me you just need a goddamn girl. You are not racist and don’t believe in discrimination of opposite sex based on caste, colour, creed, whims and size. The day a girl will give you the tiniest amount of ‘patta’, you will run to the nearest temple to pay homage to God.

The Best Friends

These guys are a more like girls (not gay). They always hang around with bunch of girls and are best friends with many of them. They cry and share feelings. They are very well behaved and open minded (at least it seems so).

If you are one of these, then don’t worry. You will get a girl. You will always be the backup plan of you best friends. So as soon as your friend goes through a breakup jump along and if you are lucky then she may even consider you. And if you are the reason of their breakup then you are screwed, because even if she breaks up with that guy you will always carry the tag of best friend throughout your life.

The list is not exhaustive and the categorisation above can be elaborated and bent in many ways.

I know that most of the guys will deny that they fall in any of the category above but the girls will know that some way or the other they do resemble, may be the tiniest amount.

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Filed under pleasure, random, relationships, sex, sinbycosmoy, society, teenage, women

Spoiler Alert: This is a hate post

Illusion. In this world nobody deserves anybody. Nobody is perfect for the other person. If you think I deserve her or she deserves me, you are in a mere illusion my friend. Wake up! Grow up!!

Few days back I came across an article which claims that a research has proved that women regret more than men on a failed relationship. I don’t know about any research and I don’t care about any. I don’t need to be a PhD in rocket science to comment about relationships (it is tougher than rocket science though) or truths. Experience speaks. The research says that men don’t dwell upon their past so much. I don’t agree. Men are hunters and have been from time immemorial. They dwell more. It is true that they try desperately to move on but for a guy like me it seems impossible. Not only for me, it is tough for all the guys around me. So I considered it as a general rule.

Whereas girls are too fast. I blame the bad men to women ratio in India for all these. They can punch you in the face and ask – did it hurt? And we morons say –Of course not, with a big grin on our face, with one eyebrow raised to emphasise the masculinity.

And guys if you have really stepped into their soft ground, beware, as they can be brutal. If they decide to be cruel even God cannot save you. They can inflict pain to such an extent that even Satan can cry (even if he is a male), and you will be unable to walk throughout your life with a straight spine.

If you see heaven in her face, you are in grave danger because it will haunt you throughout your life.

If you think that she is the one, I bet she is – Run now.

Guys in relationship – Don’t take it personally. Be nice to her always. (Or be ready to face the consequences).

Girls in relationship – I know you all hate me. It is just that your guy has not done anything near to being a moron. If he does you will see yourself how apathetic you can be.

Single guys – Be ready.

Single girls – You are welcome.

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Filed under humor, love, sinbycosmoy, society, women