Tag Archives: humour

Sinner’s Afterthought

I am a sinner. Even before I committed the sin, it has always been hard for me to be in the society. My social awkwardness always made it difficult for me to stand others. So I pushed them away. Sometimes knowingly. Sometimes unknowingly. I didn’t feel bad about it. I was too comfortable with it.

After the sin I feel different. The comfort is gone and has been replaced by a sudden sense of emptiness. Not that the sin I committed was the first sin that has ever been committed. Nor it was the first after acts started getting classified and judged as sin. I classified (and judged) my act as sin because people would say so. I know them. That is why I am not comfortable around them.

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I feel restless and light. Carrying the weight of a sin is tiring and demanding. It is making me guilty and less confident. I don’t want to feel guilty, It is better to be confident when you hate humanity.

There is a conflict. My feelings and my cynicism contradict each other. They are flawed. Feelings. Cynicism. Human Nature. My thoughts tell me to hate every person in that mirror. To judge them, To make fun of them. Yet I loathe myself of the sin – conceptualised by the same people I love to hate. This clearly exhibits my latent need of social acceptance. I am scared that if people know that I am a sinner they will hate me or make fun of me or both.

I try to avoid these parties because of their necessity to participate, but free booze helps. This party was comparatively easy to me. I was on my own, judging and smiling and sipping my single malt. Being easy does not come easy. It needs years of practice, ignorance and at least two doubles of fine spirit. But after the sin, the part air has become too dense to breathe in. I know that everyone in this party is a sinner. The black man in the green suit who keeps on gulping fine scotch and fine kebabs, sometimes both at the same time, is a sinner. And so is the lady in the red dress. She is too sophisticated, too pretty and too thin. I have to go and talk to her. I have to regain my confidence, quickly.

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Epiphany. I found the solution to my problem. They cannot know that I am a sinner. But my face reveals everything. It is reeking of guilt. How can I betray myself to fool others? There are two ways. One way is to forget about the sin. If I don’t remember the sin, I will not feel bad about it. I will let the sin vanish in thin air. Then I will be able to pretend to be happy, happily. I will be confident again. Ready to hate the society, again. But it is a time consuming process. The more you do not want to think, the more it haunts you.

Or I can use my second option, my plan B. It is rather easy. Short and simple. I have to convince myself that I am not the sinner. People get comfortable with their sin once they have established the logical context where it is not a sin anymore. I know people. They are all sinners, both women and men. Once they have all the equations and theorems to prove that the sin is not a sin after all, the facial expression of guilt, marked by a twisted nose and a frown, suddenly disappears. The feeling of guilt ceases to exist. It is easy for me. I would just pretend nothing happened. I have to just plead ‘not guilty’ to myself.

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And I have to promise myself that I will not commit the sin again. At least not in public. I will never fart again. God Promise!

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Filed under random, sinbycosmoy, society

2012…come on…be kickass!!!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Read from a friend’s post on FB shared from Bible verse.

Christmas is here and new year is near. Shit that was long back. Holy fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck. What a supercool way to start the first post of 2012, with the holy F word. Sorry loser readers I was a bit high on spirits. Now I am totally dry. BTW, Happy New Year. Well begun is Half done. Half….so clichéd….it is never full. Hope you all started the first half part well. I did not do bad either. Decided to buy Firefox Nitro and start cycling seriously/passionately/just-for-fun/on whim. Now to make it more whimsical, I have decided to write. And write about the most interesting thing on earth (unarguably). Me. Shit, clichéd again. So I decided after reading a post that I will rewrite an ad about myself in the exact way only my name added.

Hello, my name is Tanmoy and yes, I admit it, I pretty much just look at your pictures. Do you actually read these? =P

 

I came from a very small sperm. And, there was this ovum that came from my mom, but I’m pretty sure that I was mostly the sperm part. Later on in my life an ex-girlfriend would say, “100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”

 

I’m a fun and honest guy and I have an awesome job in an IT biggie (aah…who am I kidding). In person I’m pretty shy when it comes to women…so that’s why I’m hiding behind this computer. And, my skin sparkles like diamonds in direct sunlight.

 

I’m pretty ambitious…I have tried learning French. I have tried to crack CAT. I have tried to lose weight. I have tried to be fairer. LOL.

 

Also, I am not a total fat ass. I try to exercise everyday for 30 minutes on my stationary bike. And, I usually eat fairly healthy.

 

Anyway, good luck to you, because I can have any woman I please. But, apparently so far, I haven’t pleased any of them.

 

Actually, I don’t want to put too much information on here, because I can only handle one woman at a time. =P

 

So, If you want my body and you think I’m sexy…

Come on, sugar, let me know.

 

First Date:

 

You will fan me and feed me grapes…actually it’ll probably be the other way around. =) Maybe we could do something like go shopping so I can buy you a new car. Let me know.

 

But, if we do have a date, or something, then we’ll tell everyone we met when I dropped tea on your feet at tea junction.

Enough of me, now more of me.

I was watching Roadies 9 auditions and it struck me (actually they advertised) that a reality show with 9 seasons in India is not bad. See I am not a big fan of Roadies but I don’t hate it either. I actually love to watch the auditions. I really respect Roadies and Raghu Ram for creating a trend and a dream for the youth, and mind it, I am not going in their content and its quality. There are youths who have been trying to be a Roadie.

Many people think that being a Roadie is cool. I respect them for instilling this thinking in today’s youth. For making Roadie a phenomenon. It takes lot more than hype to make a successful reality show like that.  It is like showing mirror to viewers and showing the joker face residing in everyone. Even my roommate went for the auditions (Yes he is from delhi).

All the best Raghu, Rajiv and Ranvijay.

CAT results are out. Pathetic. So don’t ask and shut the fuck up.

Watch two animated movies back to back. Coraline and Mary & Max. Superb movies. Dark. Not made for humour. Has a deep story and gripping storytelling and screenplay. Must Watch. Also watched Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya (original of Ek Deewana Tha). Nice movie.

Till then lemme R.I.P.

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Generous me

Only thing constant in this world is ‘change’. Now when it is official that I left FB, no no I just deactivated my profile (not deleted it), it is time for some change.

-‘Yes, of course I know you deactivated it and not deleted it, you social networking addict sonofavich (not literally or figuratively), you will return to mama soon-crying’.

Since I have deprived myself of the royal amenity to post my status updates, speaking of which I must tell  you that I  was addicted to it, my blog will serve the purpose and punishment of  portraying my instinct and whim, which means my posts will be shorter and more frequent (long ones will eventually appear infrequently). Now since the format of ‘Baked Stale’ is changing, I thought let me revamp the look and feel too. So a new theme and repositioning of widgets will do-it-all. The sitemap will remain the same and so will the blogger (all suggestion to change them are welcome and will be shown the pathway to trashbin). It is like old wine in a new bottle. Okhay let me rephrase the previous line – it is like ‘stale’ sandwich with a desperate attempt to cover the stinking with cheese slices (whoa, who am I kidding?).

It has been 6 months I am on WordPress, and after 26 posts, 33 comments and 1742 hits, I decided to write a reader’s review of my blog. So here am I sitting on reader’s seat/chair/table/couch/commode/whatever and writing bullshit.

-you think that you write well but sometimes, okhay most of the times you suck.

-I will try to pour some more of me.

-stop misspelling ‘okhay’ and ‘ossum’, and using ‘me-is’ and some other clichés. It does not make you cool.

-It does make me cool.

-you have a decent sense of humour, which frequently gets lost in so-called thought provoking and philosophical posts. May be because of your mood swings or trying-to-sound-intellectual attitude. BTW you write crappy philosophy.

-Will try to refrain. Daily humour will be back.

-did I forget to tell you that I like your P.S. thingy where you subtly try to echo the theme of your post.

-Thankya (big grin on the face and flattered to infinity).

-don’t be too dramatic I said ‘I like’ but don’t overuse it. Scarcity creates mystery.

-if the sentence is long make each word so interesting that they seem stars in the milkyway. If it’s boring keep it short or rather don’t keep it unless absolutely necessary and related to the post.

-Point taken.

-increase the humour, write satire, broaden your horizon, keep it short and get back on FB (you can’t live without it). You owe FB for a few of your hit counts.

-Checkpoints jotted down. Will try to return as soon as I recover from my mood swing.

Okhay that was very generous of me to allow a reader (yours truly) to share his thoughts but I do repent it. I am posting this just to keep my words but I should tell you that these readers are like girls. You can’t live without them, and you can’t live with them (as in live-in). They will bring out the worst in you.

I am in sincere need of a hug.

And some beer.

Ah although the first one is a rarity the second one is stacked in my refrigerator and I am gonna grab some. Jealous? Me too.

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