Thanks for the helluva joyride

Enough is enuf. I’m tired of hiding from myself. Let’s face it.

I admit that I was in a pathetic condition and I am recovering fast. Real fast. May be it’s because of the new surroundings that I am living in and loving too much. I live in a supercool flat with supercool roomies now.

Last couple of days were hectic, physically, mentally and of course emotionally. Apathy was my buzzword for the last couple of days in my life. I was just taking one day at a time and waiting for it to pass by. I chuckled and frowned normally, at least it seemed so, in front of others, but I was empty inside. Yes ‘empty’ is the right word that can exactly describe the feelings inside me. I was feeling hollow. It seemed like I was relying too much on my crutches and it fell apart. I am learning to walk again on my feet, and hope to run soon. Call it a human nature that it helps you to accommodate in any condition you are thrown into. It reminds me of the show ‘Wild’ where a person fights to survive in the inhumanly conditions and really loves it. I love it too, superficially.

Okay, after beating about the bush for a while and whining in a complaining tone I am going to break the silence. I had a breakup. This time a real one. She left me deserted and forlorn. Previously it seemed impossible and now it seems too obvious. Irony my friend, irony of fate.

If  I start telling why it happened and how it happened,  it will be a gala saga and I can start a series of blogs and you all will be hell bored (it is too entertaining and bollywoodish for my taste). So let us keep it short and simple.

What I should tell you:

She was cheating on me emotionally (Thank God, not physically!!). I confronted her with my doubts about her commitment and she dumped me. The bitch she is, she said she loves me still but she cannot bear the burden anymore. Typical filmy breakup. Love my arse is a fcukin four letter word which makes you feel that the world around is full of fantasy. Love is like ‘Finding Neverland’. She cried and it all seemed to me as crocodile tears. She left me for another guy with whom she was moving around few days now. Hypocrite and a testerone magnet. I hate her.

What I am telling you (the truth):

I have been a bad boyfriend. **Single/committed-soon-to-be-single girls please ignore the previous line (written in too much emotion and we men cannot handle too much emotion, you all know that).** I cannot handle long distance relationship. I am over possessive and over aggressive. I used to question her freedom incessantly (she is a Capricorn and freedom is her first choice, even ahead of the relationship). I was very sceptical and always scared of losing her. I suffered from insecurity (disadvantage of having a beautiful girl, from inside and outside :P). The guy was just a friend and was not a competition. But sadist in me will never stop. I tried to stop her but ‘enough is enuf’. I was trembling when she dropped the bomb on me. I still love her.

Conclusion after breaking a 4 years old relationship:

1. Pyar Ka Punchnama is a too good movie.

2. I’m scared of only three things: I, me and myself.

3. Long distance relationships never work

(Love is fool’s gold, Trust is the philosopher’s stone and Karma is a bitch).

4. I am right now suffering from a commitmentphobia.

5. I am still feeling hollow and waiting for her.

P.S. A snippet from ‘Turning 30’:What does a girl really mean when she breaks up with you but says that she still loves you and will always? If she means what she’s saying why would she break up with you in the first place? Is it just a way of making you feel better about being dumped? Or is there a faint possibility that she may comeback…?

P.P.S. More on the topic soon. Love, Sex aur Dhoka.

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Filed under Indian Cinema, life, love, nostalgia, pleasure, sex, society, women

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