Vande Mataram

“I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too?”

I am proud of being an Indian. I am proud that I spent substantial time of life in Bihar. When I was in Delhi it made me proud that my country has a capital with superb metro service and superb eateries. I am proud that NCR boasts of three women being molested or raped everyday in NCR source. And funny thing is, I write the definition of feminism in my GSB (aptly named Government, Society and Business) examination for marks. In this blog you will find a lot of hate posts about women. Now that makes me a true Indian. A guy growing up in booming India, in his mid twenties, having a distorted image of women. Aah I am so proud to be in that category.

Last time when I wrote a about the Kolkata rape case, it was not out of anger. It was out of shame. Now I am so apathetic about it that I don’t feel even shame. Rather I feel pride. Rambling on Facebook, Twitter and Blog is my best way of feeling proud. My pathetic attention deficit syndrome has finally compelled me to change my DP on FB and I have updated it with a pic that clearly depicts that I am not one of ‘them’. I am cool. I am different. I am thinking that I am going to buy a T-shirt that says “Real men don’t rape’. They blog – I muttered. I know I am writing this to show off to get more likes from girls than boys. I am one of those middle class boys who grew up in a society of suppressed sexuality. That is why I gawk at girls as a piece of meat with my fellow friends. But let me forget the blame game here and feel the pride. I am a true Indian who sitting in a cozy room in Chennai with constant internet connection, is writing shit on his pirated MS Word. After this I will lit a cigarette, post the blog and go on discussing girls of my college and how they looked today. That is not pathetic. That is true Indian pride talking.

I LOL-ed on the fact that people are writing sorry to Damini. Why say sorry? She deserved it. That’s a gift from an Indian to a fellow Indian. She was barely called by her name in media. She is always objectified as the victim. Now that portrayal will surely evoke emotions within us. She was just news and will fade away easily. Busy life, busy people. Busy in raising children, rapists. Few hours ago somebody posted that the ‘victim’ died. Aah that’s a relief. Now I can go back to my hilarious posts on ‘December Fool’s day’ and all Mayan Calendar shit. We make jokes on ‘end of the world’. No one realises that India is already dead.

-Fellow proud self-loathing Indian

[Thinking about the next doomsday joke - the 'in' thing]

P.S. Vande Mataram means I salute to (my) mother. Did you note that India is also a woman?

Few readings for reflection :

Why Indian men rape

Dear Victim

Long time…no see

Greed – excessive desire to acquire or possess more (especially more material wealth) than one needs or deserves avarice: reprehensible acquisitiveness; insatiable desire for wealth (personified as one of the deadly sins)

-Wiki Answers

I have been watching….oh wait lemme rephrase that.

I have been re-watching ‘The Big Bang Theory’ and I must admit that I get enthralled every time by the characterisation of Sheldon Cooper. If you are wondering why a Barney Fan is rambling about Cooper (Yeah, that’s the way I like it, far better than Shelly) and that too on Baked Stale which is famous for rambling and whining. Did I say ‘famous’? Must have been a slip of thought. BTW Baked Stale has been receiving consistent traffic even when I was away from her (4 visits per day on an average…I know, lots of people are whimsical).

Enough of blowing own trumpet and lemme come back to the reason why I am rambling about Cooper. In the 4^th season there is an episode called ‘Fever’ (19^th episode) where somebody robs Cooper’s WOW account. And those of you who are not World of Warcraft fan, trust me, it’s a reeaallyy big deal. Now after watching the episode I thought to myself what may be the possible reason for being an asshole. ‘Greed’ is what comes to the mind instantly. But I asked myself ‘Is greed the answer?’ And then I asked ‘Is greed the only answer?’

As Gurucharan Das says:
When Raju crossed the line from his cheerful and familiar world of open and competitive capitalism into the dark nether regions of crony capitalism, he was no longer in control. He had walked from the transparent world of reformed India into the shadowy underworld of unreformed India, whose rules are set by crooked politicians. Why did he do it? Greed is too easy an answer. It might have been hubris, like Duryodhana’s in the Mahabharata, who thought he was master of the universe and could get away with anything. It is easy to believe your infallibility when everyone in Hyderabad tells you so.

The difficulty of being good

Greed is part of the reason, but it gives a very incomplete imagery of the intention of taking away something from a different person e.g. robbing WOW accounts. What else is in it? I think along with greed there is a superiority complex (I suffer from that a lot) and narcissist alter ego that may come into play. I do admit that every single person is greedy and conceited in one way or the other, consciously or subconsciously, but the fact remains that the man who steals (even with the availability of possible alternative) has an exaggerated image of self portrayal.

The scams, in India and throughout the world, clearly depicts that material gain is not the sole reason behind a herculean goof up. The people behind these scams had better ways to live and behave. But they chose a path of cheating and deceiving under the illusion of their superior stature. We should note that most of the people who are involved in big scams are generally educated, talented and successful. They are ambitious and worked hard to get a position of power. ‘With great power comes great responsibility’. Sadly they misused their power forgetting the fact that in this world of information overload, hiding is a tough task. It is not greed that accuses Google for being evil and tracking its users. It’s the power which drives them (and the funny thing is we can’t do anything about it).

I think if somebody gets power enough to misuse it for harming others then it is merely a curse. Lessons have to be learnt or else history will be told.

P.S. Excuse the excessive usage of visual imagery as the post lacks substantial literary value.

P.S.S. Staying in my college made me realise that we are not living in post liberalisation era.

P.S.S.S. FUNFACT

Status Update !!!

I was reading Rashmirathi by Ramdhari Sing Dinkar and realized that that there is too much fuss in India about pre-nupital sex and virgin mother. When ‘Kunti’ can become pregnant with ‘Karn’ before marrying ‘Pandu’ while having a so-called illicit relationship with the Sun God, why sex before marriage is still considered as a taboo in Indian Society (when it has already been portrayed in our mythology)?

I have been super bored for the last couple of weeks. Going through a writer’s block (pretty fashionable these days among bloggers eh..?) and dearth of topics to write on has really kept me entertained. My facebook addiction and my idle time gave me an opportunity to blabber my heart out in the FB LIBA Converts 2012-14 group.  I socialized so much that people got irritated and are really pissed off because of me. They have already formed an opinion about me that I am a complete wannabe social butterfly with no life whatsoever. Impressive first impression and that too even before meeting them personally.

Few days back my very close friend Podu was jumping with joy as he was expected to go onsite by June end. But due to some technical error and rising and falling of the value of Indian Rupee, his onsite got cancelled. Pretty devastated and dejected. He even planned to go for London Olympics. Now this type of things particularly happens to nice people only. The guy is a hard worker (not smart worker mind it) and has never taken part in office politics whatsoever. He never complained about the office pressure when others kept whining about it in front of him. He stretched his work hours and worked diligently asking nothing in return. But here he is with no rewards and an average rating, and this is only because he was not shrewd and never raised his voice to ask something in return of his dedication. I am exactly like him and I must learn from his situation that working hard and claiming reward, getting recognition both are equally important. Noted in the back of my mind.

Left my office last week. It is customary in my office to write a ‘bid adieu’ mail before you leave. The mail has a normal format with thanking everybody and showing off your English prowess. The mail contains your personal mail id and your facebook profile link and you hope that the cute and pretty girl in the other module/cubicle whose FB profile you used to stalk can send you a friend request. By the way that is never going to happen. If you could not talk when you were in office, how the hell will you become friends in Facebook, you stupid. In my case I would have also added the Baked Stale link in my mail, free marketing you know. But I did not do anything like that. Instead I went to every colleague’s seat  and personally said bye to them  except to the cute girl.

Now counting days to join LIBA.

BTW the name of my two new blogs are(looong names):

LIBA Blog : comedyoftrialanderrors (may be scrapped for some reasons)

Finance Blog : debitcreditmismatch

Suggestions on names appreciated.

LIBA for diva? Naah…

I have been super lazy for not updating my blog. Being a stoner has its toll. Was busy making new friends. Yes I do have new friends. Old friends do u feel like losers? You all should. Was busy making friends with people who are going to join my new Alma Mater. Now I am ready to spill the beans.

I’m moving to Chennai. And most of the people are saying that I chose Chennai over Delhi just because my ex stays there. Let the morons speak and lemme tell you the truth. The truth is she is marrying a tamil guy and she has found the love of her life. Anyway I hate her because she did not give a blowjob to me (except that I have no regrets).

Caution : Don’t believe on any of the words written above. The previous pargraph has been written to draw attention and increase the number of visitors on Baked Stale.

But the partial truth is correct. I am moving to down south and chose it over the national capital. With my pathetic performance in CAT and XAT I was able to convert only 3 colleges out of all the colleges I applied to. I am a shameless loser. I will not lie. Goa Institute of Management (GIM)  rejected me and was thrown out of GD in TAPMI. I don’t regret. Who cares?

The colleges which found me worthy enough are :

1.Lal Bahadur Shashtri Institute of Management (LBS/LBSIM), Delhi

2.Institute for Financial Management and Research (IFMR), Chennai

3.Loyola Institute of Business Administration (LIBA), Chennai

Now the results came out in the same order as the above numbering. I even took admission in LBS before Chennai results were out. When IFMR and LIBA sent their convert letters I was in dilemma. I was confused whether I should stick to LBS or cancel my candidature for any other college. In the end I decided to go for LIBA.

Now ask me why I chose LIBA over LBS. Anyway I am going to tellya.

1. LIBA is three ranks ahead of LBS in Pagalguy 2012 rankings and I followed it diligently for years.
2. Delhi did not impress me. The city is filled with fake attitude, snobs and show offs which a little too much for my intellect hungry bong soul.
3. I have been to Chennai and I liked it. Anyway I kind of respect southies because they take their life and studies seriously, at least that is what I think.
4. LIBA has slightly better placement figures than LBS. Although LIBA does not publish its placement reports officially but the conclusion has been reached by googled sources.
5. I have been a part of Facebook group of LBS and the members over there seemed childish. LIBA converts group is way classier but less informative and less active.
6. LIBA has hostel while LBS has no hostel which is a big problem in the issues of peer learning and will increase the financial toll.
7. Left IFMR for ROI.
8. I did my 12^th from Loyola High School, Patna, so kind of biased with the brand name.

I don’t need more reason to choose LIBA. And it is futile if u try to convince me to choose Delhi over Chennai. Husein and Devam tried and failed.

Now since I am moving down south I will truly miss Kolkata. Although I have previously blabbered about my own city and my love for her here, but I have never mentioned any person in my life.

I will my office colleagues for sure. Frankly speaking I hate my office. Cheap politics, workaholics, timids and pets are in abundance in my office. I was lucky enough to find a group which actually made my office days tolerable. We always gawked at girls, drank for merriment, made all kind of witty and non-veg jokes and shared our frustration. Even the girls in our group did that. Yes, take it losers, they drank with me and gawked at girls too. LOL. I will not name my office guys because I may miss some but believe me they were ossum.

I will miss my SomePlaceElse group. I will miss the small adda we used to have after regular office hours. I will miss Podu, Medi, Titir, Pal and Topper. Although the group will be scattered now as everybody is moving out in different directions but the legendary moments we spent are unforgettable. I will also miss Polard Da, my weekend partner in crime .

I will miss my granny and granpa with whom I used to stay. I will miss their excessive attention care which I used to hate.

I will miss my company because although it did not fulfil my expectations and really pissed me off, but now I will not be able to carry its tag name. The tag has respect in India being one of the largest business houses.

Anyway I will miss Kolkata, but I am pretty eager to embrace Chennai. Determined to learn Tamil, I am ready feel the heat.

Till then, wish you all a pathetic loser life. See you all on the other side of the commercial.

Bbye

Sinbycosmoy

Oh my fucking Gawd, I almost forgot to make an announcement. I am going to start a new blog, two actually. I know what you all jealous people will say :

‘How much more pathetic you can be. First you tormented us with your random posts on Baked Stale. We love Baked Stale just not you. Now when we are getting bored of your crappy writing you will make us read more of your shit which we seriously don’t want. Please have pity and stop writing.’

And I will answer : ‘Yes you loser readers I will not listen to your requests and will continue to torture you with my grammar less posts filled with typos which I don’t even care to rectify.’

The first blog will be about my Life in LIBA.

Aah so predictable. Trying to impress people eh? To impress one need some substance which you don’t have. Get a life.

The second will be based on management studies specifically Finance.

Gawd save this country. A person who has no financial sense whatsoever and is pretty neck deep down in loans from friends by the end of first week will preach finance. One should always implement SOPA to ban these kind of people from social media and internet.

Whatever you people say, I have decided I am gonna do it. Framework is under construction. You all will be updated soon.

Happy Reading.

PG LIBA Converts Thread

Dilli ka Ladoo

Writing this post from 37000 ft over sea level, somewhere over Dilli and the air hostesses are not that good .
Yes I am returning from Delhi after a short trip for some personal work. No no, its not that personal that I can’t share with you all people but some things are better kept secret. I will spill the beans as soon as everything goes well (actually I am pretty orthodox and superstitious about the good things that may happen in my life, so till then zipped). Then why the hell I am writing this post? I am writing this post to give you all a glimpse of Dilli through my eyes and my perception as a first time visitor of the national capital.
First thing first, I was just blown away by Delhi Metro. Hailing from a city, Kolkata, which boasts to have the first underground metro in the country and where metro is just another part of Bengali life, I was really impressed by the ‘Dilli-way’ of putting it. All AC rails run real fast and their frequency is really commendable. The area they cover and the infrastructure they have utilised to handle the not only Delhi crowd but from all over the NCR region. Well NCR (National Capital Region) actually consists of Faridabad, Noida, Ghaziabad and Gurgaon. As it was a very short trip I did not get ample time to exhaustively ‘test run’ other modes of transport available (apart from the autowallahs which as usual as it can be). I also used the Reliance Airport Expressway and it was also very good (with free WiFi and faster ride).
I actually roamed in outskirts of Delhi and was not able to test/taste the real Dilli. Delhi is a fast city unlike Kolkata (with its lazy glamour and dreamy touch). It is meant for smart and conscious people. People in Delhi are real conscious, be it about their figure, looks or about what they speak. I stayed in Vaishali which is Ghaziabad area and travelled all the way to Dwarka. The metro rides are long (in Kolkata it is short or rather bursty) and interesting. The first time I boarded on the metro (was actually was forced to board due to the immense pressure of the crowd pressing behind me), I saw two people complaining that their wallets have been stolen. One guy was not at all shocked. He mentioned it casually to his fellow passengers that while boarding the metro somebody stole it (as if it can happen to anybody in an AC metro). The other guy was astonished that how somebody can steal his wallet when he has kept it in his front pocket of his jeans. But later very easily he gave in to the fact that in Delhi Metro pick pocket is a way of life. So I took my wallet from my back pocket (the worst place to keep your wallet in Delhi metro especially in crowded places) and kept it in my hand (safest according to me). And in Delhi I saw a lot of girls. To be exact ‘a lot’, but later to that story.
If you consider the cost of living, staying or roaming in Delhi then it is pretty costly. Well I do admit that coming from Kolkata, the cheapest metro city (where metro tickets cost only Rs. 4,6,8), any other city will always seem costly to me. I stayed in a region which comes under NCR and that place the whole time I was there I experienced a power cut of continuous 7 hours. Now I do admit that it is outskirts of Delhi and comparing it with Kolkata (we have rare power cuts) is not fair but continuous 7 hours is too much for me. The roads are good and the high rising building really looked modern and beautiful.
Now talking about beauty I have to and have to talk about ‘Dilli-ki-kudiyan’. Delhi girls are sexy. Period. Not that they are tremendously good looking, but they are well maintained and do care about themselves a lot. Most of the girls come out on the street so crisply dressed that you can’t help yourself noticing them. It is like having a glimpse or two of the smartly dressed airhostess with average looks. It is evident that each and every girl (and even boys) do take a good care of themselves and really value how they ‘look’. Portrayal of ‘you’ is specifically concentrated on you external appearance.  BTW I just crossed the city Varanasi (35k ft or approx. 10.7 KM above sea level).  I admit (shamelessly) that even the married ones are so well groomed and have taken care of themselves so well that it made my jaws drop. If I do compare girls from Delhi with the girls of Kolkata then I must say that Kolkata girls have beauty but don’t know how to take care of it and definitely don’t know marketing and Delhi girls may have lesser substance (or should say differently beautiful) but they do know marketing and do have a dressing sense.
But I got to know that although Delhi may seem very modern in its appearance, the NCR region is plagued by crime. Shooting a person is just a matter of fact. The people in Delhi have no driving/traffic sense. People laugh at those who stop at traffic red signal. There is a news of rape almost every day in NCR region and eve teasing is so normal that I happened to see it thrice on a single day (and was not able to anything about it). My friend from Delhi once told me-People in Delhi don’t fear anybody because they have come to Delhi just to earn money and nothing else. Sorry Delhi, I was unable to feel the warmth, may be because I stayed for a very short time, but I didn’t expect such classy deeds from seemingly classy people.
One thing I really liked in Delhi are the road side food stalls which really entertained my taste buds. Northern Indian foods are heaven there. Tunday-Kebab and Paratha was ossum. My palate had a wholesome treat with the delicacies offered by Delhi. I didn’t taste Biryani or sweets of Delhi as their review from my friends were not good. That’s it.
My flight is about to land. Indigo always makes me reach destination before time. Just one problem, these airhostesses have put a strong fruity deo on them. It is yucky.

You are Beautiful

How beautiful am I? – You ask.

You ask me how beautiful you are?

I will tell you how beautiful you are.

You have the most beautiful soul on earth.

You are so beautiful that

Your beauty inflicts pain.

It really aches to see someone so beautiful like you.

Sometimes I feel so empty because of your beauty.

I am not an atheist.

But whoever created, conceptualised you

That craftsman and her creativity need Salute

The satisfaction and excitement of mystery

And discovering the new you every moment

Is never satiated

Amazing it is to find someone

With lethal grace

With crystal clear eyes

With sunshine smile

With vibrant air

With never ending legs

And country roads arms

Which make your travel feel nostalgic

You pose and laugh and play with innocence

While making silly faces

And you ask – But, How beautiful am I?

Again.

Related articles

• 10 Stars Who’ve Said That Beauty Comes From Within (bellasugar.com)

How to woo girls – A loser’s guide

 

Wooing girls has always been considered as an art. It needs passion, endurance, inborn capabilities and lots and lots of practice. I thought to myself, why not analyse this art and prepare a synopsis for a cookbook. I am an expert (certification and 97.5 patents pending with the cupid).

After lots of analysis, closed room discussions with myself and my beer bottle (and belly) and incessant staring at the stars I have reached to a revealing conclusion. The conclusion is whether a guy is interested or not interested in a girl he will behave to impress a girl, without fail. He will behave according to the strategy he has created from his teens (or way before), the strategy (may or may not have been successful) which he thinks fits him the best and which will (in his own small world) make a girl go crazy (and wet). So I have decided to categorise guys and look for the girl which will suit you the best. For starters I do believe that ‘opposites attract’.  People always try to look person who has all the qualities they have only dreamt about in themselves. So here is a small excerpt. The cookbook is still cooking (baking to be exact).

The decent devils

These guys are like coconut or melons. Tough from outside and sissy soft from inside. He will always act rowdy in front of others and will talk softly to each and every girl he meets. The girl community will form and opinion that you are very decent and you will always try to break their belief. This has a dual advantage. You can do whatever you want and still be considered as a ‘good’ guy.

If you do feel that you are one of these kind then watch a lot of movies based on split personality (like Fight Club, Spider Man or Secret Window). These movies will enrich you and portray you as a pseudo-intellectual loser stud. And believe me pseudo-intellectualism is a huge head-turner for most of the women. The girl which will suit you is typical ‘ghar-ki-bahu/behenji’ types. These girls will be super committed and will also allow you to act rowdy. You can actually make fun of them in front of everybody and they will not mind. Isn’t that a cool way to satisfy tour piggish little ego?

The BiKing Boys

Ah..you have a spelndor,passion,FZ,fazer,apache,pulsar then you are ready for a go. Girls love bikes. At least, most of them. They love the fluttering of their hair sitting on the pinion while the chauffer guy escorts them to a mall. These guys pretend that they don’t care about mileage and can drive bhery bhery fast. And they can even drive a bike keeping their both hands in air (old school?).

If you do fall in this category then spend minimal on yourself, because the girls whom you are going to patofy are very expensive (financially and emotionally). But there are certain tricks. You kind of girls love movies and ice-cream. So in that case you have to spare pend only Fridays with them. Rest of the week they are busy gossiping.

The farting flirts

These are the guys who think farting in front of girl is damn cute. Their fart is always those sweet and dangerous. They have a small *beeep* sound or a sweet humming sound which comes out momentarily from their rear window.

If you fall in this category you should and would look for a girl who smokes or the one who loves to smell. One who smokes will never complain because her olfactory glands have lost their sensitivity to smell (hope their other glands are working). The one who loves to smell will go crazy about you as she not only loves you but you as a complete person with all the intangible (and abstract) qualities you have. If you really want to keep (or woo) this girl eat a lot of cabbage and radish and cauliflower. This kind of diet will keep your relationship in balance.

The handsome hunk

These kinds spend hours in gym and more hours shaving their armpits. They smell good and taste even better (no personal experience cited). They have an obsession for sunglasses. They have feeling that they can woo every girl and believe me, at the end of the day, they can.

So, you fall in this category. Feeling lucky about your genes and mirror eh? If you do belong here then keep a comb and mirror (the ones sold in local trains) always with yourself, you may not get a washroom to look good everywhere. You should always look for a girl with super-model looks. You don’t have to care about the words like ‘cultured’ and ‘classy’ because your girl will never bother about them. She will be too proud of herself and too engrossed in her shallowness and facial (no pun intended). And don’t forget to worship Hrithik. When your girl screams ‘OOHH MY GAWD’ in the bed, she is actually referring to Hrithik.

The Mama’s boy

These kinds of guys take permission from home to go to pee. They use local transport to travel and never have driven a bike because it is too dangerous (as his mom says).Specifically suited for arranged marriages, these guys love their family and cheating does not appear in their dictionary. Their body structure can range from too lean to guys with dudeterus.

If you fall in this group and brave enough to accept it then ‘salute’. You should look out for an independent girl who loves freedom. The girl should have a Royal Enfield so that you can capture her pinion. Remember Deepika in ‘Karthik calling Karthik’? And she should never ever wear a saree. She should teach you to drink whiskey and act as your second mom. She should take you out for a stroll every day in the evening for some fresh air.

The frustrated frat

These kind of guys are super shy and super duper frustrated losers. They always hang in groups and can be spotted in different malls passionately pursuing their hobby ie. Girl watching. They may even fall in love and will wait for a glimpse of the girl of their dreams but will never ever have the guts to talk.

So if you are this kind of loser then it is probable that you masturbate a lot (and I can’t define lot). And you are so egoistic that you are actually waiting for a girl who would come up to you and fall on your feet. You, my friend need medication or a bold girl. You are looking for a girl who (and her commitment) will be your asset to flaunt. Best of Luck with that.

The ‘I don’t care ones’

These guys are also seen in bunch and they feel like pride of lions. They think show that they don’t care a shit about girls (but are not considered gay) but secretly try to get a girls attention. Actually they are the hungriest kind and their every move is targeted to woo girls.

If, my friend, you are here then believe me you just need a goddamn girl. You are not racist and don’t believe in discrimination of opposite sex based on caste, colour, creed, whims and size. The day a girl will give you the tiniest amount of ‘patta’, you will run to the nearest temple to pay homage to God.

The Best Friends

These guys are a more like girls (not gay). They always hang around with bunch of girls and are best friends with many of them. They cry and share feelings. They are very well behaved and open minded (at least it seems so).

If you are one of these, then don’t worry. You will get a girl. You will always be the backup plan of you best friends. So as soon as your friend goes through a breakup jump along and if you are lucky then she may even consider you. And if you are the reason of their breakup then you are screwed, because even if she breaks up with that guy you will always carry the tag of best friend throughout your life.

The list is not exhaustive and the categorisation above can be elaborated and bent in many ways.

I know that most of the guys will deny that they fall in any of the category above but the girls will know that some way or the other they do resemble, may be the tiniest amount.